Wedding Resources

Recently, I showed you the wedding planning binder that I put together for myself and several of my friends. Now I am going to share with you a few of the resources that we have used and that I have subsequently shared with my friends as they are on their own planning journeys. The following three books have been invaluable to Mr. Hermit Crab and I as we plan for our wedding and of course, our marriage.

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The New Jewish Wedding by Anita Diamant was the first book that I bought. I also bought it for all the women involved in the wedding planning with me. It was extremely helpful in thinking about and planning a Jewish wedding - it explains parts of the engagement and ceremony, and helps us understand different options and history behind the rituals. I recommend this for anyone entering into a Jewish marriage, taking a role in a Jewish wedding, or even attending a Jewish wedding (although in this case, I would probably just take it out from the library). This book helped up find inspiration for the English translation of the Ketubah text that we eventually chose.

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The Wedding Ceremon Planner by Reverend Judith Johnson came as the mostly highly recommended book for ceremony planning, and with good reason. Although our own ceremony will be written mostly by our Rabbi and Jewish tradition, as soon as I found out that I would be officiating at my friend's wedding, I grabbed a copy of this book for both of us, as well as for my friend who is getting married in October and planning to write his own ceremony with his fiance. This book illustrates formatting and reading options for all different kinds of ceremonies, as well as creating the tone that you would like to have at your wedding. If you're even thinking about writing your own ceremony, this book is a must.

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Finally, there is, of course, a lot more to a marriage than just the wedding. Since I work at a synagogue, and the rabbi that will be officiating at our wedding currently lives in Florida, the rabbi that I work with here in Syracuse has agreed to meet with Mr. Hermit Crab and I in the months before our wedding. This is one of the books that she gave us to work through together. Although the book uses many Jewish texts and backgrounds, and asks a few Jewish questions, most of the topics that are brought up are important for any couple to talk through before marriage. Though we are only about half way through the book, we've already discussed things like the our family issues, name changing and finances. Eventhough we always try to be honest with each other, we've had some of the most important and candid conversations that we've had in the five years that we have been together. Despite the Jewish lens, this book is a great way to start and have important conversations that any couple should tackle before the wedding.

Do you have any books or resources that have helped you in your wedding planning? What are they?

Will you be my Officimaidend?

This past year, several of my close friends have gotten engaged - some of my closest, in fact. Right now, we will have our wedding in June, and then one each in July, August, September and October! I will have several different roles in each of these weddings.

In addition to being the bride in June (but you knew that one already), I will be a bridesmaid at the wedding in July (in Israel!), and officiating the wedding in September. I am also helping my friend with his October wedding as much as I can from afar. How did this all come to be?

Friend Y, who will be getting married in Israel in July. This is a personal picture from my 22nd birthday in Tel Aviv.

I will be a bridesmaid in Friend Y's July wedding in Israel. She and I met the same place that Mr. Heb and I met - Hebrew class at NYU first day of Freshman year. She and I have been through so much together over the years, and it is so much getting to plan our weddings together, too. She's been there since the beginning of Mr. Heb and my's relationship, and I'm so grateful for that!

Ah, my Friend A! This is a personal photo from one of her visits to me in Syracuse recently.

Friend A and I go way back, to early elementary school (I even remember wanting to be her friend long before we actually were!) A and I have been close for so long, she's more like family to me. I spent some time going to look at venues with her and her fiance for their September wedding. Shortly after that, they asked if I would officiate their wedding! I should preface this by saying that I am simply a youth director, not a trained officiant. But I was so touched and happy that I figured out to make this work!

I had recently started following the blog here at Weddingbee and I stumbled upon Mrs. Star's post about her stepfather being their officiant. I followed the link to the Universal Life Church website, and within minutes, I became Rev Heb! We are in the process of making sure that everything will be legal and acceptable in the State of New York, but we are well on the way. As I go, I will share with you any stumbling blocks that I come across as I register in New York State.

Finally, one of my oldest and closest friends will be getting married in October. I have often described Friend D as my male counterpart - we've always been there for each other, and his family was like a second family to me growing up. His wedding is going to be very different than mine, so it's great getting to learn about navigating the wedding waters through many different eyes. Though I'm not officially part of his wedding, I have been sharing many of my resources with him and his fiance, and we are helping each other through this process!

Friend D and I, a couple years ago

Each of these weddings will be so different from size to location and everything in between. It's amazing to have the experience of being the bride, bridesmaid, officiant and supportive friend all at the same time and I look forward to sharing more about my journey with you as I go.

Coming up next: Resources that we have used for different parts of the wedding planning process.

Are you taking on several different wedding roles at the same time?

Deciding on the Dress: The Kleinfeld's Experience

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I didn't really know where to start looking for a dress. The internet is a great resource, and I got my hands on every magazine I could, but I had no idea how to begin trying on dresses and finding the right one.

My mom, with the best of intentions, made an appointment for us to go check out Kleinfeld in Manhattan. You can read about how I prepared for my first appointment here. In addition, I started watching Say Yes to the Dress in anticipation. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that helped. I was not looking forward to my first appointment because I thought of myself as a little more low-key than many of the brides that they feature.

When I arrived, they set me up with a sales associated named Erika (I liked her right away :)). She was the perfect fit for me. She had no desire to be on the show, just to help me find the right dress. She was attentive, and extremely helpful as I tried on dress after dress.

When we went back the second time, Erika was our consultant again. I was nervous because we had such a big group, but once again, she assuaged my fears, and helped me ultimately find my dress. If you want a giant selection, you can conveniently get to New York City, and you are not on a tight budget (or you are, but you just would like to see a bazillion dresses), Kleinfeld's is a great place to start.

A note about finding the dress: I love my dress, and I am very much looking forward to wearing it, but I did not seem to have that moment like many brides (at least on TV) have. This dress was the right one for me, and I like my family would have been brought to tears no matter which dress I tried on first, because it was the reality of seeing me in a wedding dress! Similarly to Miss Buttons, I was not overwhelmed with emotion, but I do love my dress.

A last word on shopping for your dress. You need be comfortable when you are shoppoing. If you are not a good fit with the salon or with the sales associate, you will not have a good experience. I consider myself lucky to have had such a great experience, but you have to do what feels right for YOU!

And just for giggles, because it will be a while before you see her again, my dress!

I think I might have been caught in the veil here...
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Deciding on the Dress, Part 2

If by any chance you are Mr. Hermit Crab and you are reading this point, you must close the window and walk away. Gone? Whew, ooootay.

Are you ready for the big reveal? I think I've kept you in suspense long enough.

So, I searched online, printed out pictures, visited Kleinfeld's with my mom, and found my dress, but I did not buy it. Catch up on Part 1 here.

Here's a hint: the dress I fell in love with just so happened to be one of the pictures that I brought with me (and showed you) and also happened to be the first dress I tried on. I tried on several after it, but none of them felt just right like the first one.

However, my mom wanted me to mull it over, and we also knew that there were several other women that would love to be included in the dress search. That is why, several months later, I headed back to Kleinfeld's with no fewer than 11 people in tow. Don't believe me? Check it out:

My Aunt Bobbe, FMIL Hermit Crab, FSIL Hermit Crab, Cousin F, Friend B, my little sister and my step-mom pictured here. Mama Hermit Crab is taking the picture, Friend A had to leave early, and I was in the dressing room at this point.

I tried on my dress along with several others to guage everyone's reactions, and to make sure that it was still the right dress for me. Lo and behold, it stood out. There were tears, hugs, laughing - it was just right.

Without further ado, my dress!

Oh, love! Recognize it from my first dress post? In case you are wondering, it is Henry Roth: Casey and I looooove it!

And now, some glamour shots with my lovely ladies:

FSIL Hermit Crab, Cousin F and Friend B



All my moms! Mama Hermit Crab, FMIL Hermit Crab and step-mom Hermit Crab!


And of course, the best for last! My little sister who could not take her eyes off the veil, got to pose with the headpiece!

(All photos in this post are personal photos)

I'm really happy that we got to go back with everyone, it was a great experience. However, this is not the last you will hear about my dress and Kleinfeld's, but for that, you'll have to wait! Coming up next, my review of Kleinfeld's and my dress decision experience.

Did you find your dress right away? Did you bring a gaggle with you to try it on, or just one or two other people?

Dressing the Family

You saw in my last post our amazing family that will be standing up with us under the chuppah. Being that we are not considering them a formal bridal party, I decided not to choose dresses. Plus, all the women are so different, I couldn't possibly imagine finding a dress, or even a color that would work for all of our sisters!

However, I LOVE the look of many Indian weddings - all the beautifully colored saris, and oh! all the color! Have I mentioned yet that I love color, and a lot of it?

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I gave my family (well, the women really) these guidelines: "Please no black, white, or beige, and I would love if everyone chose a jewel tone. Other than that, long or short, sleeves or strapless, that is up to you! (Although please keep in mind that you will need to cover your shoulders for the ceremony)."

I thought that I was being so nice and laid back - choose a dress you love, in a color you love and feel comfortable, gorgeous and like yourself. Well, wouldn't you know it - I think, at least in the beginning, they would have rather that I just choose a dress for them! I had no idea that they would find choosing a dress so stressful.

There was some concern about how it would look all together, so I hopped over to the David's Bridal website and used their "Dress Your Wedding" application to see for myself. This is a great tool - although none of our outfits are actually going to be from David's Bridal, this gave me the opportunity to see how we would look all together. There were not enough spaces for everyone, so I just put Mr. Hermit Crab, myself and the women. The mens' looks are going to be much more simple (and I will talk about that soon), so I figured we could revisit them another time.

Here you go:

From left: Mama Hermit Crab, FMIL Hermit Crab, FSIL Hermit Crab, Older Sister Hermit Crab, Miss Hermit Crab, Mr. Hermit Crab, Little Sister Hermit Crab and Step-mom Hermit Crab (click to enlarge, if you wish).

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The dresses I chose are based loosely on the colors and styles that I think they might choose, but since none of them will be getting their dresses from David's Bridal, this is just an estimate. (And DB has a dress that is eerily similar to my own, so this is actually pretty accurate to what I'll be wearing). I'll tell you something - I LOVE how it looks! If we are half as colorful, I'm sure it is going to look wonderful. What do you think? Do you like how this looks? I'll keep you posted as everyone chooses their outfits and sends me pictures!

I am excited to see what everyone winds up with; I think everyone is going to look amazing in vivid colors and styles that suit their own personalities!

Have you used any tools that have helped you envision the look for the people in your wedding? Did you have any naysayers at first? How did you decide what everyone will wear?

Not a bridal party, exactly...

I have mentioned before that we will not be having a formal wedding party. Mr. Hermit Crab and I both have big groups of close friends from many different periods in our lives, and we felt that choosing some friends and excluding others in this way was simply out of the question for us. We will be including many of friends in other ways, however, so stay tuned for more information on that!

However, we will not be alone under the chuppah. In addition to our Rabbi, of course, we will have our siblings and parents stand up with us. Our siblings will be holding the chuppah, and our parents will be standing by our side. (my little sister will actually be acting as flower girl, which is as close to a wedding party as we came, but hey, she's 5!)

Ready for a gander at the gorgeous group that will be standing up with us? Ready or not, here you go! (All pictures are personal photos).

My beautiful sisters

Mr. Hermit Crab and his sibs

Mr. Hermit Crab's parents

My Dad and step-mom Hermit Crab

Mama Hermit Crab

And of course, these two wild and crazy kids!

What will all these beautiful people be wearing? More to come!

Are you having a bridal party? How did you come to this decision?

Dresses, Florists and Photogs, OH MY!

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In Barnes and Noble recently, I was reminiscing with Mr. Hermit Crab about one of the first few days after we had gotten engaged and returned home from Ottawa. I had gone to Barnes and Noble and stood in front of the Bridal shelves for about 20 minutes, occasionally leafing through one or the other, but mostly being totally overwhelmed. I left with a wedding magazine in hand (I can't remember which one at this point, but I've had them all - reviews to come), and a mission. I was going to create my own wedding planner. If you would like to purchase a pre-made one instead of make your own, Miss Pencils has written a great post about her research!

I went to an office supply store next to pick up my supplies.

I knew I needed to get organized, so first I designated a space in my house:

At this point, it has filled up with my accumulation of wedding magazines and paraphernalia - and yes, this is the nook under one of our desks!

Then I set to work putting the binder together. To make your own wedding planner, you will need the following (I was making two binders at this time):

• one inch binder
• tab dividers
• three-hole-punched zipper pouch
• sheet protectors
• three-hole-punched business card holders
• sheets of lined paper
  
  
  

Our furbaby, Rashi, helping me

And assemble! I put the zipper pouch at the front of the binder, and use it to hold things like post-it notes for easy note taking and reminders, and stamps and address labels, so that when I go to write thank you notes, all my supplies are in one place. I also put the card holder at the front to keep all the cards collected in one place as we met with different vendors. Once we would make a decision on a vendor, I cleared the binder of all necessary information, so that it was as up-to-date and organized as possible.

I buy the packs with 24 tabs and label them the following (in no particular order): To do lists, Notes and Resources, Budget, Thank you list, Registry info, Invite list, Invitations, Venue, Caterer, Music, Florist, Ceremony, Dress, Accessories, Hair and Makeup, Bridal Party, Men's Outfits, Rehearsal Dinner, Honeymoon, Bachelor Party, Bachelorette Party, Transportation. You may have other things that come up that you would want to keep track of.

As for all the notes that the pre-paid binders come with, I find that sites like Weddingbee and ever so occasionally, the Knot (I have used their checklist and countdown from time to time), and my plethora of wedding magazines (thanks mom for the subscription!) have been enough for ideas and guidance. I have also used several books, which I will talk about soon.

My binder has been so helpful organizing thoughts and contracts, thank you lists and important dates, that now, often when close friends and family get engaged (as long as they are living Stateside!), I made them binders with special covers:

Turning this...

...into this!

And another two I made:

(All pictures are personal photos unless otherwise noted)

How did you organize your planning? Any tips for future brides-to-be?

Click!

Capturing our wedding well is a high priority for both Mr. Hermit Crab and I. We agreed early on that this was something we would not want to scrimp on, for these photographs will be one of the most lasting pieces of our wedding (along with, of course, our marriage).

The New York Botanical Garden had a list of recommended photographers; being that the Gardens are 250 acres, they suggested hiring someone familiar with the landscape so that we could be as efficient as possible. More spreadsheets and hours on the phone and email later (can you see a pattern in how I plan?), we had found our photographers!

Side note: Since we are planning from several hours away, it was imperative in this process that vendors be willing to work over the phone and email with me, since it was nearly impossible to meet with each and every one. If someone was unresponsive, I tended to cross their company off the list quickly, because I knew it wouldn't work out!

Without further ado, a little eye candy from our fabulous wedding photographer: Joel Greenberg of Joel Greenberg and Wendy Stewart Photography!

(All photos from www.wedphotos.com)

Joel was so wonderful to work with from the start. He was actually trained first as a landscape photographer, and he loves shooting at the NYBG because of the beautiful grounds he gets to work with! With our package, we will be getting Joel himself and an assistant photographer, 8 hours of photography time, all of our pictures on cd in addition to a full set of printed proofs, and an engagement session - not to mention excellent customer service! As a surprise, my dad asked them to include a videographer - I could not be more excited about working with Joel and seeing the results!

We are planning to go for an engagement session in the Spring - I look forward to showing you these pictures when they come in!

Did you spring for photography? What helped you make your decision?

Dressing the Tables: Part 2

Guess what just arrived!

(all pictures are personal photos unless otherwise noted)

If you guessed my beautiful wooden table numbers from Etsy seller Lizartistry, you'd be right!

I ordered numbers 1 - 30 (though it looks like we may end up with 26 tables, I just wanted to make sure that we would have enough) and one more thing that I am very excited about that you can see momentarily.

All of the numbers looking up at me! (And a sneak peek of my little surprise...)

A sample of the numbers - aren't they gorge!

And now for the big reveal...I wanted to tie in the place card table with the table numbers, so I asked Lizette if she could do our initials with an ampersand. And boy did she!

This will be decorated similarly to the table numbers and sit with the place cards to tie everything together. I think it's adorable and just what I was hoping for!




A picture from Lizartistry's Etsy shop all of the numbers with the initials - I love how they all look together. I would definitely recommend working with Lizette, the turn around time was quick and the numbers are even better than I was hoping for.

For now, I think I'll keep the rest of the numbers tucked safely in the box, because I don't think I can repack them as perfectly as she did.

Did you have any great table number finds? Have you received any exciting wedding-related packages lately?

Save the date!

About 8 months out from the wedding, we decided to order and send the save the dates. We had chosen a date and booked the venue, and we wanted to make sure that our guests marked it down on their calendars! I thought for sure that I wanted to send an adorable save the date magnet from VistaPrint like the one below:

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I even went so far as to actually design and fill out the whole save the date. I was a day away from ordering. And then...I found Mrs. Bear Cub right here on Weddingbee and her amazing invitations. I just fell in love with the sustainability and the creativity that she used on her invitations. Her inspiration was very similar to the vision that I had in mind for my own invitations, so I checked out Twin Ravens Press to see what they had going on. And I fell in love. I called Kristin and thus began an epic journey of creating custom letterpress save the dates and invitations!

Save the dates were up first. I knew I wanted to use plantable seeded paper, but I wanted to keep them simple and straightforward, since the invitation was going to be much more elaborate. Here is what we came up with:

You can see more pictures and a blog post over at Twin Ravens Press

The paper is wonderfully textured with the seeds, and the letterpress printing. The colors came out great, and everyone loved the tiny picture of us.

I included a little note with them that explained that the paper was embedded with seeds, and all you need to do it lay it under a bit of soil, water, and watch it grow. Many of our guests have already done this and told me that they are sprouting. A word of advice: you may want to suggest that you guests plant it after they receive your invitation (as was our intention). Many of family members were so excited by the idea that they planted it right away and then had to call my mom and ask for the date...oy!

Coming soon - invitations! Kristin and I went back and forth for months to create a unique (and totally inspired by Mrs. Bear Cub) invitation that I cannot wait to show you!

Did you make save the dates? Did they come out the way you originally planned?